My old grey mustache was just about right

But it didn’t come easy, it was a real  fight

Trimmed up too short, I was some Dapper Dan

Let it go long, I looked like Yosemite Sam

 

But I finally figured out just how to do it

I'd stand in front of the mirror but with my back to it

And holding another in my good left hand

I'd trim the opposite side from where I stand.

 

There ain’t very much hair under my hat space

But it seems to grow fine on the front of my face

Just under my nose is a fertile spot

Though the top of my head is apparently not

 

One night a while back a most worrisome dream

Had me blowing my nose and eating ice cream

Then on toward morning, it was shredded wheat

When I awoke, it was gone, chewed off plumb neat

 

Each hair was chewed off just as neat as you please

Not a single long hair left to curl or to tease

And after looking around, even under my pillow

I never could figure just where that hair did go

 

I’ve been reading books on good health and nutrition

‘Cause I need to lose weight and I’m hopin’ and wishin’

The answer might lie in protein and fiber

‘Cause I'm pretty sure this old body’s got grey hair inside ‘er